You Might be a Redneck Pole Vaulter

[pvdad81]

If you thought a tailwind meant having gas, you might be a redneck pole vaulter.

If you thought a buttplug was something other than a pole tip, you might be a redneck pole vaulter.

[Tim McMichael]

If you think Vitali Petrov is the evil Russian wrestler who almost beat Hulk Hogan for the title in '83.

If you have ever worn a T-shirt that said "I'm with stupid" on the victory stand.

If you had your national championship ring made into a belt buckle.

If your coach's last words before he pulled his hamstring were "Here, hold my beer for a second."

If your explanation as to how you got injured during the summer has the word "rodeo" anywhere in it.

If you think the high point of American Pole vaulting was when Bob Seagren wore the red and white striped shorts and the blue singlet with stars on it.

If you have ever decided how many bars to pass based on a hangover.

--- you just might be a redneck pole vaulter

[HHSPVCoach]

--If you're having a street vault and both bars that you brought are broke, so you just duct tape a peice of one to the two halves of the other to have something to jump over. you might be a redneck pole vaulter.

And yes, i have photos to prove it!

[achtungpv]

If you watch vault videos from the 80's for new ideas for styling your mullet.

If you have organized a street vault on a gravel road.

If you have sold a gun to buy a new pole.

If you're a girl and think a hot pink tube top is suitable athletic attire.

If you fixed a broken pole with Bondo and jumped on it. (this has really been done)

If you believe the only two world class American vaulters ever are Joe Dial and Bill Payne.

If your main source of income to support your vaulting habit is cock fighting.

If your idea of "moving to the big city to train" means Abilene or Jonesboro.

If you've ever bailed your coach out of jail.

If your coach was in the same jail cell as your dad.

If you mount your gun rack on the roof of your truck to carry poles.

If you have ever spiked yourself and patched the wound with duct tape.

If your main sport prior to vaulting was the weekly turkey shoot at the VFW hall.

If you've ever said, "I'm fixin' to clear that bar."

If your mom ever sold food stamps at 80 cents on the dollar to buy you a pair of spikes.

If you refuse to look up meet results on the Web cause "the Internet is for commies and hippies and was built by Lucifer himself."

If your post-collegiate sponsors are Copenhagen, Wrangler and the NRA.

If you're a chick and you figure pole vaulting is the best way to git you a husband.

If you're a chick and you've vaulted while pregnant.

If your pole does double duty for pushing your john boat through the water when you go noodling. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Noodling

If you named your pole after your momma.

If you named a broken pole after your daddy cause he doesn't work either.

If you're having trouble finding a college that'll let you major in welding.

If your spouse or child witnessed you winning your high school state championship.

If you're a chick and refuse to wear bun huggers but have no problem with a confederate flag bikini.

If you're a chick and wear panty hose under your shorts 'cause "Daisy Duke and the Hooters girls do it and they're classy."

If your pre-meet meal consists of mayonnaise sandwiches and summer sausage.

[Tim McMichael]

If the tornado siren goes off and the first thing you worry about is how far you will have to drive to find your pit this time.

[pvdad81]

If your newest pole cost more than the vehicle you carry it in.

(Last week I saw a $400 van with a ladder rack and thought to myself, That's just what we need.)

[theczar]

If you've vaulted into the loft in your barn

[achtungpv]

If you prefer wearing your FFA jacket more often than your letterman jacket.

If your dad shows up to your meets wearing nutters, boots, and a tucked-in sleeveless shirt that says "Welcome to the gun show."

If you wear a fish hook on the bill of your cap.

If your coach is also the ag teacher.

If you had to get permission from your parole officer before traveling across the state line to compete at Nike.

If you used your pole to make the largest roman candle ever on the 4th of July or Texas Independence Day.

If you ever made your own pole bag out of coon skins....tails on.

If you honestly believe Dale Earnhardt could've been the best pole vaulter ever if he would have just applied himself.

If you're also a 4-year letterman in rodeo.

[achtungpv]

If you practice perfecting the Texas Pole Vault Manifesto model.

[achtungpv]

If the music at your local street vault consists of an 80-year old guy playing spoons and a washboard.

If the top prize at your local street vault is a Wal-Mart gift card. 2nd prize is a box of ammo.

If you look forward to overnight meet trips because you get to sleep in "refrigerated air."

If you have a sticker of Calving p*ssing on your helmet.

If your coach is your cousin...and your dad.

[pvdad81]

You might be a GULF COAST redneck pole vaulter if,

You have to bail water from the box every practice because it is below the water table.

Your poles won't fit in your FEMA trailer

Your pit cover is blue and came from FEMA

You work your summer schedule around the crawfish or mudbug festival.

You can't wait till hurricane season because of the awesome tailwinds.

Your bag contains any of the following: fire art poison, MRE's, a bailing cup, a Guy Harvey T-shirt with the sleeves tore off.

You don't let an inch of water on the runway keep you from vaulting.

You have to travel to other states to pole vault "indoors".

You had to quit practicing in the sand pit because it became a quicksand pit.

You had a beach vault because your pit floated down to the beach.

[theczar]

if your energy drink is Ski soda. (it's a Southern Illinois thing )

if you practice barefoot on a regular basis.

if you take off your shirt at practice every day and still have a nasty farmer's tan.