Chuck Norris

[Mecham]

Jack Bauer is tuff, not tough, but tuff

[vaulterdani]

i dont get them either but they are pretty funny...

[rainbowgirl28]

I think Tim Tebow of the Florida Gators could take Chuck Norris.

[vault3rb0y]

Chuck norris once challenged lance armstrong to a 'who has more testicals contest'.

Chuck Norris won by 5.

[vault3rb0y]

In the guiness book of world records... in small font on page one it states that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and the following pages are the closest anyone else has come.

[bvpv07]

Wow, and I had thought that the Chuck Norris craze had died out.

[robillard]

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door

you can replace slam with open or close if you like, any of em work.

The reason Chuck Norris doesnt pole vault is becuse it is not possible to make a pole big enough for chuck norris.

[ashcraftpv]

Chuck Norris Flash game
http://hallpass.com/media/chucknorris.html

that is quite possibly the most disturbing game I have ever played....

[souleman]

Only took me a year or so to find this, but here is a recap for those that don't want to read all 7 pages of this;
Chuck Norris facts
22 Chuck Norris Facts
1. Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
2. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
3. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
4. The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
5. Chuck Norris defines love as the reluctance to murder. If you’re still alive, it’s because Chuck Norris loves you.
6. Chuck Norris isn’t hung like a horse. Horses are hung like Chuck Norris.
7. If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can’t see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
8. Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother’s womb.
9. There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.
10. Chuck Norris can win a game of Monopoly without owning any property.
11. There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
12. In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone has ever gotten.
13. Chuck Norris invented cancer because he was tired of killing people
14. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.
15. Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
16. Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
17. When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
18. Chuck Norris has two speeds: walk and kill.
19.When Chuck Norris jumps into a body of water, he doesn’t get wet. The water gets Chuck Norris instead.
20. Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
21. Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
22. When Chuck Norris runs with scissors, other people get hurt.

[patybobady]

Chuck Norris once was hungry so he tore a tree out of the ground and used it to jump over the Great Wall of China…He wanted noodles. Thus, pole vaulting was born.

[BadMotherVaulter]

Chuck norris pole vaulted once. He walked right up to the box with a telephone pole, planted calmly, then proceeded to push the earth down instead of vaulting up. He effectively cleared 40 feet, 9 1/2 inches, only because thats the tallest telephone pole he could find.

The big russian from rocky happened to be present and foolishly asked chuck to convert that height into meters. Chuck calmly stated "the metric system is for pansies... now i must crush you"

The only thing that saved the russian is the fact that he ran off crying like a schoolgirl, and Chuck Norris fancies seeing russians crying.

[bel142]

They say that under chuck's beard there is no chin... only another fist.