Chuck Norris

[Caseman33]

the last person to look chuck norris in the eye was ray charles

[thaone600]

haha....when he sends in his taxes he just sends a picture of himself and the governments says ok

[MightyMouse]

Since Chuck Norris can't roundhouse kick over 20', I will have to go with Bubka

Bubka is actually Chuck Norris's son

[rainbowgirl28]

http://www.calendarlive.com/printeditio ... e-channels

The man, the myriad myths
How did Chuck Norris become such a force to be reckoned with? Websites focus on his fear factor with fans.


By Paul Farhi, Washington Post

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just not his own.

Chuck Norris does not fade away. By all rights he should have, by now. "Walker, Texas Ranger," his butt-kicking law-and-order TV series, finished its run on CBS in May 2001, after eight years and 203 episodes. And that should have been that for the great Stoneface, outside of the endless cable reruns, the Total Gym infomercials and the occasional late-night rebroadcast of one of his '80s-era chop-socky movies ("Lone Wolf McQuade," "Missing in Action," etc.).

But Chuck Norris, or maybe just Chuck Mania, endures.

The 65-year-old martial-arts master is the object of a kind of sardonic cult veneration. Conan O'Brien, on his late-night show, has been airing vintage "Walker" clips for months. Collegehumor.com, a website popular among the dorm set, regularly links to all things Norris on the Internet (recent entry: a rare photo of Norris sans beard). Norris popped up in a cameo in "Dodgeball" two summers ago and in a two-hour "Walker" movie in October, which drew respectable ratings.

Most intriguing, and certainly most amusing, has been the spread of Chuck Norris "facts," a series of Paul Bunyanesque exaggerations riffing on (and amplifying) the Legend of Chuck. Such as:

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

Wilt Chamberlain claims to have slept with more than 20,000 women in his lifetime. Chuck Norris calls this "a slow Tuesday."

Why does Norris (once described by a critic as the stiffest guy on TV since Ed Sullivan) rate this sort of exaltation, this David Hasselhoff-ization? Why not fellow aging B-pic martial-arts action stars such as Steven Seagal or Jean-Claude Van Damme? Why not cartoonish wrestler-actors like the Rock or Hulk Hogan? Why not other men-of-frozen-facial-features such as Charles Bronson or Steve McQueen (a former Norris martial-arts student)?

Why not that MacGyver guy?

Why, in short, a guy who never uttered more than three consecutive lines of dialogue and tended to solve contentious military and law enforcement issues by, um, kicking people in the head?

Chuck Norris does not go hunting because "hunting" implies a chance of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.

While hardly an unbiased source, Jeff Duclos, who has been Norris' publicist since the last season of "Walker," chalks up Chuck Mania to Norris' "consistent persona."

"There are very few people who have projected that kind of image, that kind of mythical heroism," he says. "People, especially young men, appreciate the underlying principles of that character, the morality, the dignity, the sense of right and wrong."

While Norris has never challenged Sir Laurence Olivier for acting nuance, he certainly has been consistent during his more than 30-year movie and TV career. Through scores of "Walker" episodes and nearly two dozen movies, he played pretty much the same guy. As the square-jawed embodiment of law and order, he could be counted on to do What Was Right, even if right involved beating up people, which, in Norris' case, it invariably did.

"Walker," which drew almost 20 million viewers at its peak, was predictable, simple and (as Conan's clips demonstrate) often unintentionally funny. To call "Walker" retro is to insult retro. Although it was in the tradition of "Gunsmoke" and John Wayne westerns, it existed in its own space-time continuum. As latter-day Texas Ranger Cordell Walker, Norris and his sidekicks were the white hats out to rid the West (or at least Dallas) of drug-dealin', kidnappin', gun-runnin', no-good scum. Every week, justice prevailed. And it prevailed with great guest stars, including Frank Stallone, Joan Jett, Erik Estrada, Ann Jillian, Tom Bosley and Barbara Mandrell.

There was a certain integrity to the series. To his credit, Norris, who was executive producer of the show, never tried to do a Very Special Episode (OK, the one about him and Alex registering for their wedding was an exception). "Walker" never did subtlety, or ambiguity, or irony. (In fact, Chuck Norris can bend irony into balloon-animal shapes.)

Another possible explanation for Norris adulation is a demographic one: Young adults, who grew up watching "Walker" on Saturday nights, are reliving a fond bit of their childhood, just as earlier generations elevated "The Brady Bunch" and "The Dukes of Hazzard" to iconic camp status. In any case, young people seem to be the driving force behind Norris nostalgia. The most frequent visitors to the Chuck Norris Fact Generator â€â€

[Mecham]

Now you know....

[VaultMarq26]

becca is getting into this now

[Scott Go Pre]

Chuck Norris once saw his reflection in the mirror and challenged himself to a deathmatch. This quandary caused the universe to implode.

Those aren't credits that roll after Walker Texas Ranger, it is actually a list of people that Chuck Norris round house kicked in the face that day.

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, your are about 4 seconds from death!

I can't see him now. 1... 2... 3... ...

[LHSpolevault]

Chuck Norris once saw his reflection in the mirror and challenged himself to a deathmatch. This quandary caused the universe to implode.

Those aren't credits that roll after Walker Texas Ranger, it is actually a list of people that Chuck Norris round house kicked in the face that day.

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, your are about 4 seconds from death!

I can't see him now. 1... 2... 3... ...

oh poor scott... he's another victim. lol

[SlickVT]

Chuck Norris once beat Super Mario Bros 3 without even touching his Nintendo controller. He just yelled at his TV in between bites of his "Filet of Child" sandwich, and the game beat itself out of fear.

[swiftswifty22]

It was once believed that Chuck Norris actually lost a fight to a pirate, but that is a lie, created by Chuck Norris himself to lure more pirates to him.

[skyshark177]

Any Chuck Norris / Pole Vault ones?

[Scott Go Pre]

If Chuck Norris pole vaulted, he would always win; not because we vaulted the highest, but because who ever he competed against would recieve a roundhouse kick to the face (and be knocked out) if they were to beat Chuck.