Can't really see much about the run/carry/drop, but your plant looks pretty good, and so does your leg position during the swing, and swing velocity.
The biggest thing that sticks out to me is that your grip is too wide for where you are gripping on the pole. In my experience, people shouldn't use wider-than-shoulder-width grips until they are gripping above 13'6 or so, depending on the vaulters' height. When you use a wide grip with a low grip height, it forces the bottom arm to hit the pole way out in front instead of up high. It also makes it harder to finish the swing into inversion, which is what I see in your vault. Your bottom arm is jammed out, which keeps you from lining up with the pole at the top and continuing the rise of your hips. Practice swinging to inversion on a rope, to teach your bottom arm how to help the inversion, rather than stopping it. Notice in the video how the rope is placed across Bryan's left forearm. This helps keep the loose end of the rope from getting caught up in your swing.
http://youtu.be/gUnPwGOzk44Hip circles/free hips on a low bar also help with dropping the shoulders and simultaneously raising the hips. Pull-overs are an easier version of the free hip that may be a good starting point I like to stand with the bar in front of me, mixed grip, sort of "jump" my hips up close the bar, then fall back into inversion. These drills take repetition to learn, so be patient if you don't get it perfect right away.
http://youtu.be/pnJpAPcP4xcAnother possible strategy is to put the bungee up really high and try to kick it, to keep you from coming out early at the bar.
Try narrowing your grip to shoulder width, experiment with it for a practice or two, and try to get some better video that includes the run and plant.
Good luck! Hope this helps, you look like you can jump a lot higher than 9'6!! Sometimes you have to take a step back in order to take a step forward...
Tom
